Spare Key Store Read online

Spare Key Store

  by

  Kevin Crain

  * * * * *

  PUBLISHED BY:

  Spare Key Store

  Copyright © 2011 by Kevin Crain

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  Spare Key Store

  _______________________________

  Lost a key and in despair?

  Please don’t fret or pull out hair!

  Come to the Spare Key Store and this I swear:

  You’ll always find a matching spare.

  When you don’t have a backup plan

  To get inside your minivan,

  Come to Spare Key Store and

  Give the store one real quick scan.

  Spare Key Store is sure to astound,

  And I’d be more than happy to let you look around

  If you would help me search the ground

  ‘Cause the store’s key is lost and can’t be found.

  My Bike

  _______________________________

  My bike is homemade

  It’s easy to do,

  Just get some duct tape,

  A vacuum, and glue.

  Next take a fan,

  A skateboard, a shoe,

  Fasten them down

  Inside a canoe.

  Attach an umbrella,

  And a comfortable chair.

  Don’t forget the two wheels,

  Now you’ll go anywhere.

  You can travel on water,

  Or fly if you’d like,

  Revolution in transportation?

  No. It’s a homemade bike.

  Snow Tower

  _______________________________

  It snowed and snowed one wintery day,

  I asked Kip, from next door, if he wanted to play.

  Angie, the cutest neighborhood girl,

  Who could make any two boys over her quarrel,

  Asked what we were doing.

  I wanted to wow her.

  We decided right there,

  To build a snow tower.

  I got the snow,

  Kip packed and shaped,

  It started to grow,

  Angie’s mouth fell agape.

  That tower we built

  Was fifty feet high,

  With only one flaw,

  Kip started to cry.

  Somehow in our planning

  With each passing hour,

  We never considered

  Escape from the tower.

  The tower went up,

  Kip was still in it,

  He packed and shaped,

  Until it was finished.

  “How will I get down?”

  Kip said through some tears.

  “Don’t worry,” I said,

  To lessen his fears.

  Boxes and ladders,

  We piled and stacked,

  Until our great junk heap,

  Could not stay intact.

  “I’m sorry,” I said,

  “We can’t do a thing,”

  So Kip’s still atop our snow tower,

  Just waiting for spring.

  Australian Striped Zebra Fish

  _______________________________

  Just there, I saw it!

  Gone with a blink.

  The Australian Striped Zebra Fish,

  Long thought extinct.

  Now quick, bait the hook!

  With provolone cheese.

  When the fish bites,

  Reel in with ease.

  Catch it and hold it,

  Rarest of rare,

  To the Australian Striped Zebra Fish,

  None can compare.

  Nick the Knight

  _______________________________

  Nick was allergic to metal,

  It gave him a rash from head to toes,

  So whenever he went into battle,

  He didn’t wear any clothes.

  He was lighter without armor,

  And quicker than most,

  But once he faced a dragon,

  Nick the naked knight was toast.

  Belinda

  _______________________________

  Belinda can fly,

  But not very high

  She hovers above the ground,

  Instead of soaring in the sky.

  Belinda can fly,

  But only at night

  And it’s quite hard to see

  When there isn’t any light.

  Belinda can fly,

  But not if she tries

  She hovers at night

  When she closes her eyes.

  Catching Things

  _______________________________

  I caught a bug in a jar,

  But I shouldn’t brag too loud,

  Cause Dad caught a deer in the headlights,

  And Mom didn’t seem very proud.

  Tooth Fairy

  _______________________________

  “Place each of your teeth,”

  My mother once said,

  “Under your pillow,

  On top of your bed.”

  “A dollar you’ll get,

  For each white one he finds.

  So turn off the lights and please close all the blinds.”

  I needed some cash

  For a bike or a kite.

  Under the pillow

  Went my whole head that night.

  Next morning I woke,

  So surprised by my luck,

  Cause I was all gums,

  But I had twenty bucks!

  Picky Crocodile

  _______________________________

  We know a picky crocodile,

  Who swims the mighty river Nile,

  And he’s got quite an interesting style.

  The things he eats

  All rhyme with “worthwhile.”

  “Otherwise it’s not worth it,”

  He says with a smile.

  His diet, however, is not versatile.

  We’ve known this now for quite awhile

  Because all of our names are Kyle.

  Danny O’Det

  _______________________________

  Danny O’Det made me a bet

  That he’d go over a waterfall

  Without getting wet.

  And I must declare

  He completed that dare

  And he won it fair and he won it square.

  But Danny O’Det made a bet he’ll regret

  ‘Cause he kept floating downstream

  And couldn’t come back to collect.

  Human Zoo

  _______________________________

  I’m the main attraction,

  At our city’s Human Zoo.

  I get too much attention,

  Cause of all that I can’t do.

  I can’t catch bugs with my tongue,

  I can’t dangle from my feet,

  I can’t breathe long underwater,

  Or catch Frisbees with my teeth.

  I can’t hide in my own shell,

  I can’t balance things on my nose,

  I can’t grow impressive antlers,

  Or light the darkness with my glow.

  The animals are all amazed,

  That I can’t fly or swim.

  So come see the site that causes animal awe,

  The attraction’s name is Jim.

  Three Areas

  _______________________________

  My teacher asked

  In what three areas I want to improve.

  She started to laugh

  When I said “math.”

  Sid Sprocket

  _______________________________

  He’s Sid Sprocket, the world’s greatest pickpocket.

  And if you doubt it,

  I beg you don’t mock i
t

  Cause when you’re not lookin’,

  He’ll steal your pocket.

  He won’t take your money,

  Your watches, your lockets

  But if you aren’t careful

  He’ll take your pockets.

  A quick snip of his scissors

  During a history lesson on Davy Crockett

  And your teacher’ll need a place for the note you passed

  That isn’t one of her two missing pockets.

  He’s Sid Sprocket, the world’s greatest pickpocket.

  And when you’re looking to see

  If it’s seven o’clock yet,

  Be careful and wary or

  He’ll steal your pocket.

  Ladder to the Moon

  _______________________________

  I built a ladder to the moon

  And climbed for days ‘till I reached the peak.

  When I scaled back down I found

  My burger was cold

  And didn’t need my moon cheese.

  Wishing Whale

  _______________________________

  Sometimes I don’t hear so well,

  But I’m not quite sure Dad “wishing whale.”

  How many wishes will come true, if any?

  I think Dad told me to close my eyes and throw in my sister, Penny.

  Quicksand

  _______________________________

  Oh no! It’s over my toes.

  Well, shoot! It’s over my boots.

  Oh jeez! It’s up to my knees.

  It’s making haste up to my waist!

  I’m highly distressed. It’s up to my chest!

  Oh heck! It’s up to my neck!

  Eek! Soon I won’t be able to…

  Ladybug

  _______________________________

  The signs above the bathroom

  Seem simple enough,

  “Bug” or “Ladybug,”

  But for Frank the Ladybug

  The situation is really tough.

  Matilda Kumquat

  _______________________________

  Matilda Kumquat

  Ain’t never heard a word she ain’t forgot

  She can recite any of Reverend’s sermons,

  And she ‘members the pest man’s advice on vermin.

  Any spoken word which once was a thought,

  Will most assuredly be ‘membered by Matilda Kumquat.

  Whatever movie you like she can act out

  Or perhaps you’re keen to hear a lecture

  On rainbow trout.

  She’d memorize the dictionary A to Z

  ‘Cept she got to H

  And learned humility.

  Her memorizin’ skills can’t be beaten

  So listen up to Matilda Kumquat

  When she says she’s got somethin’

  That’s really worth repeatin’.

  Shampoo & Conditioner

  _______________________________

  My shampoo smells quite like honey,

  My conditioner’s made from pears,

  Now something’s happening that ain’t funny,

  I’m attracting all these bears.

  Idea Store

  _______________________________

  Bottled ideas, one-of-a-kind

  We sell, you buy,

  They come from your mind.

  Inventions, contraptions,

  Gizmos galore

  Bottled ideas from The Idea Store.

  Time-machine, hover car,

  Teleportation

  Discover an idea and complete your creation.

  Find any idea,

  If you’re willing and able

  ‘Cause it may take some time

  Since our ideas aren’t labeled.

  Watermelon Mother

  _______________________________

  A watermelon’s growin’,

  Inside my little belly.

  I was dared to eat that melon seed,

  By my annoyin’ sister Kelly.

  Vines are comin’ out my ears,

  Green leaves obstruct my smellin’,

  No one’s really helpin’ me,

  Not even my Aunt Helen.

  Don’t you swallow melon seeds,

  If dared by sister or brother,

  ‘Cause plants grow and grow and soon you’ll be

  A watermelon mother.

  Wormhole

  _______________________________

  I discovered a wormhole

  The first one ever found

  Scientists flocked to see it

  From hundreds of miles around.

  “It’s fragile,” one said,

  “There isn’t much time,”

  So I raised my hand

  And said, “If ya’ll don’t mind,

  I’m the one who found it,

  And I’d like to travel through it.”

  Seems that was a reasonable case to them

  Cause they told me to do it.

  I jumped into that wormhole,

  That rarest jewel from space,

  Sadly, though, I came back there

  To that same time and place.

  The scientists were baffled,

  It had happened all so fast.

  Why was I in the present,

  And not the future or past?

  The answer came quite quickly

  From a man outside our group.

  “That ain’t no special wormhole,

  It’s a normal hula-hoop.”

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